Failure is an Option!

Have you ever notice that everyone else's children seem perfect? They are smarter, nicer, more musical or athletic, right? We all know that nobody is perfect, but why do other kids seem more perfect than our own?

Rarely do mothers and fathers share failures and short-comings of their kids. Usually they share successes and strengths! I often share my children's strengths - does that mean they are perfect? No Way!

This past month I have really been faced with "to err is human" in an up-close and personal way. Both of my young men (now 18 and 20) received their first traffic tickets. Both of them - two weeks apart. Each was driving about 20 mph over the limit. Each is faced with a huge ticket and a visit to traffic court. Both are considering how they will compensate financially if their insurance rates go up.

Apparently, I'm not perfect either. I taught them both to drive! And look at what happened! I'm trying hard not to feel like a failure in this area. I try to remember that I give instruction, but they make choices like adults make choices. But still, you would think that homeschooling would come with some sort of guarantee. Shouldn't it?

Take heart. Nobody is perfect!

Blessings,

Lee

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"Stand By Your Man" - Homeschool Addition

In our Sunday School class on "Love and Respect" I learned a new strategy for dealing with teenage boys! Women tend to relate best face-to-face while talking. The book suggests that men relate best shoulder-to-shoulder without necessarily using words. If you are struggling with your teenage son, try to spend some quiet time doing nothing, saying nothing, and accomplishing nothing. Just be by his side, whether in the car or doing another activity he is interested in. Chances are, he will interpret that outing in a positive way.

In my own life, I have seen how that strategy can work. When I have a difficult subject to discuss with my boys, it goes over best if we are NOT talking face to face. It helps if we are on a walk, or in the car, and are both looking forward rather than at each other. It's almost as if these guys feel threatened when we look them in the eye. Like a pack of wolves, they can perceive eye contact as a threat and fight back.

If you are struggling with your boys and desperate for ideas, it may be worth a try. Shoulder-to-shoulder, avoid eye contact. Let me know if it works!

Blessings,

Lee


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Our Charlotte Mason High School - or Maybe Not

Charlotte Mason would have loved my pond. Only a half-mile from our house, the pond has river otter, blue heron, and other fabulous Northwest wildlife. When we moved here, I thought I would spend hours at the pond with my children, doing nature studies. A short distance from Puget Sound, I fantasized about oceanography units and marine biology studies.....I dreamed of examining algae under a microscope and I was positively giddy about the ducklings.

Except.....it didn't happen. It's one thing to focus on "delight-driven" studies, but what about driving "non-delightful" studies? My boys would whine and complain the whole time we did nature studies. They loved physical exertion, and didn't mind getting out for a bike ride or a swim, but they didn't want to just "sit there and look at stuff." All they wanted was books and bikes. Sigh! What's a Charlotte-Masony Mom to do?

I finally had to conclude that the "delight" in delight-driven was about them, not me. I had to let go of the fabulous nature studies and focus on the ways my children learned instead. "Let them have books!" I decided.

Now that the kids are in college, my husband and I frequently walk to the pond, and walk to the beach, and enjoy our nature studies together. And he doesn't whine... usually....





Blessings,

Lee
--
The HomeScholar
www.TheHomeScholar.com

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Respecting your Young Men

A while ago, a portion of one of my newsletters was plagiarized. I consulted my in-house "lawyer in training" - my son Alex. Every time I think of our interaction that day, it really warms my heart. On Sunday, during our "Love and Respect" Sunday School class, I think I finally realized why Alex's help was so important to me that day. He was protecting me - which was demonstrating that he loved me. In the book, it talks a lot about cycles, and how love LEADS TO respect, and respect LEADS TO love. So I started thinking about what I did to show my son respect that day. I think that the moment when I asked his opinion of the situation, adult to adult, was the moment that he knew I respected him.

We won't even think about all the times I completely *fail* at the love and respect cycle, but I did think it was interesting to see on situation in which it worked. I hope it will encourage you.



Blessings,

Lee

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Raising Men vs. Raising Boys

There is a watershed moment in high school when it comes to parenting boys. When they are younger, your focus is raising an obedient and confident child. Once they get into high school, you have to somehow transition into developing respect for your son as growing man.

Check out the book "Love and Respect." Instead of reading it as a "husband and wife" book, think about how it pertains to young men. How can you show real RESPECT for your son, when he drives you crazy? Try to find something he is good at, something in his area of specialization, and show him adult-to-adult respect for that skill (as often as you can!)



I also found it helpful when my husband and sons would talk man to man. When they were disrespectful, my husband would say "Don't treat my WIFE that way" in order to put them on a level playing field. Saying "Don't treat YOUR MOTHER that way" is reminding them that they are not men. Instead, even in conflict, try to treat them as men.

Believe it or not, raising men is even more challenging than raising boys. It is made easier of you recognize the transition and as parents discuss how to begin to deal with it.

Blessings,
Lee

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How in the world do you homeschooling boys!?

>>>>Cindy wanted suggestions for her Junior High boys. She said "Until now, I haven't talked to anyone who has successfully homeschooled boys. I am really looking forward to it, but of course, I'm a little nervous. My son is a sports NUT!!!!!"<<<<


AHA!!! A sports nut!!! Now I have all sorts of ideas for you! Listen, Cindy, with guys, you really need to wear them out, sometimes, before they will sit down and study. Keep him REALLY active in sports everyday, and I think you'll be more likely to succeed in getting him to curl up with a good book. We also did weekly skating/bowling, etc., with our support group, and that was a GREAT way for my boys to meet other homeschooled teens. We didn't do "coop classes" per se, but I did sign them up for a "World War II Naval History Class for teens" in the hopes that they would meet other homeschooled boys - and that worked great for getting to know other friends. Is he involved with a church? That can also provide for that social outlet.

There are some curricula that are geared toward sports (Baseball Math comes to mind.) It could be that your "sports nut" is also a hands-on learner. You might want to use Moving With Math or other hands-on math program. For art, we did a local art class called Teen Pottery Wheel that was a fun way for them to do art in a messy way :-) Look carefully at ideas that are hands-on. One art curriculum we really liked was "Discovering Great Artists." It's a book that has art projects based on famous artists - a very hand-on way to study the history of art.

I would also encourage you to look at Sonlight, especially since it's your first year. I used Sonlight my first year, and I really felt like it "held my hand" while I was figuring out how to homeschool. After a few years of using Sonlight, I decided I could make my own curriculum
schedule by myself, and I was able to do it more cheaply after that. But at first, having Sonlight hold my hand - well, it was worth its weight in gold! You might want to try it for a year, and then branch out after that - then it will seem a lot easier.

Take care!

Blessings,
Lee